Three Free Band Names Friday #15

Welcome back to Three Free Band Names Friday, “the internet’s finest source of cost-free things to call your musical group.” You may have noticed my extended absence. Nothing serious—I was hiking across India and Asia Minor researching new trends in band naming. (Briefly: I predict a 15% surge in Hittite verbs over the next three to four years. Hittite references are big on the San Clemente aggro-jazz circuit right now.)

I got back a few weeks ago and stopped over at Steve Stills’s house for a rundown of the trip. Steve’s been a bit of a hobby namer for years, though he’s generally used his own name post-Springfield. (We were on track to release Stephen Stills 2 under the name “Cupcake” but there was a rights conflict with an existing French group called Cupcake so we scratched that plan at the last minute. There are a few Cupcake-labeled test pressings out there that would fetch a handsome price if you could track them down.)

Later that evening, we flipped on HBO and Steve played me a few episodes of a new series called Game of Thrones and, let me tell you, I was sucked right the hell in. I gather from the internet this has been a hot topic this year so once I was back in the office I called up HBO to see if we could work out a partnership and launch an exclusive Game of Thrones band name line. Turns out the show is based on a bunch of books by a guy named George R.R. Martin so we got him on the horn right away. Details are still being hammered out but I can officially announce that the A Song of Ice and Fire collection will be available sometime during Q2 2012 and I’m proud to offer a free preview today.

• Hedge Knight Rebellion (dub-thee-step)
• Old Bear Mormont and the Men of the Watch (dëthgrass)
• Stabbing Sansa (riot brrrd)

(Reminder: Now is a great time to renew your subscription to our quarterly report. Sign up now to receive 20% off the 2012 Band Name Trends Preview—out in January!)

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Three Free Band Names Friday #14

Programming note from intern and associate editor Dawn: Ben accidentally drank two entire bottles of Cold Duck last night, watched Mrs. Doubtfire on USA, started bawling, vowed to quit the band naming business in favor of “something that will make kids happy” and passed out under his desk. Before he hit the floor, he made me transcribe the following post. I cleaned it up and removed several lewd references involving Claire Forlani and Keith Richards.

I feel like, these days, it’s just all about the marketing, man. I mean, well, I guess it was always about the marketing, right, right, but sometimes THE NAMES. The names made it all worth it. No. No no no no no no no. No more cheap band names for ungrateful Bulgarian electronica pimps or greasy Williamsburg pine cone rockers [Dawn: Not sure who he’s talking about here.] Let’s do something that will make kids happy. You and me, Dawn, we’ll make kids happy. Happy happy happy happy. They’re, like, the next level of stuff and they should be happy. From now on, no more band names—only books for kids. “Three Free Kids Books Friday.” Write this down… [Dawn: All he could come up with were books that were still about rock bands. He came up with A LOT of children’s books about rock bands.]

• The Littlest Marshall Stack
• Bear Party Parade and the Awful, Painful, Not Cool Pitchfork Review
• The Case of the Missing Drum Throne: A Detective Deer Adventure

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Three Free Band Names Friday #13

Don’t worry, I’m still here. Still creating the band names your band loves to not use. It’s summer, though, so I’ve been out yelling band names at the sun, owls, grass and other outdoor nature-type things instead of yelling them at my long-suffering intern Dawn. (Dawn will be starting her final year of college this fall. She’ll graduate with a degree in Band Naming that she created—it includes courses from the Business, Creative Writing, Music and, for some reason, Environmental Horticulture programs. Everybody wish Dawn good luck! Good luck, Dawn! Now give me fresh 600 band names over the weekend or I won’t sign off on your credits next month.)

To ward off the bad juju of spooky edition number 13, we’re forgoing a theme this week and presenting a grab bag of names, including our first-ever submission:

• Brad Bare and Bored With the Beard (barba-soul)
• Tink Harpel and the New Lost Boys (pixieland jazz)
• The Upper Scorpius Association (star shanties, courtesy convincingindie)

Would you like to submit a name for Three Free Band Names Friday?
Do it right here!

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Three Free Band Names Friday #12

Hey, we’re back! And, hey, it’s my birthday tomorrow! I’m celebrating with a “Concert Crawl” and normally I would be handing out 3FBN Inc. business cards and flyers like mad on something like that but, well, I should probably just relax and down a few Fancy Ladies. (It’s a secret cocktail; I can’t reveal the ingredients. They’re fancy.) Besides, all the bands I’m going to see have pretty great names already. Here are three free age-related band names:

• Teenage Tantrum Theater (clean-the-garage rock)
• The Ölde Men of the Nörthe (near-death metal)
• Bobby Jensen’s Traumatic Eighth Birthday Party (pre-emo)

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Three Free Band Names Friday #11

Happy Official Kickoff to Summer Weekend! I hope you negotiated a better comp deal than “one Buckler per band member per set” for that three-night gig at Sleepy Hideaway Resort. (On the horsefly-infested shores of Pelican Lake!) If not, here are some band names that might do a better job of alerting venues to your group’s boozy, ‘Mats-style aspirations:

• Whiskeybreath Sullivan and the Clayton Creek Creepers (concealed-jug band)
• The Ouzo Woozy Effect (anise jazz)
• One Thousand Midnight Barleywine Parades (indie oom-pop)

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Three Free Band Names Friday #10

Wow—10 editions of 3FBNF. That means 30 bands have been set on the path to super-stardom thanks to a memorable, budget-conscious new band name. Countless others have been annoyed by the pompous suggestion that their band name is not good enough. Oh, the hate mail I get! “Eat my this, shove something here, I saw your sister riding such-and-such unfavorable mammal,” etc.

To the detractors I offer this cautionary tale: Back in ‘92 I pitched a replacement band name to Ugly Kid Joe. That replacement name was—obviously—rejected. Now, when’s the last time you thought about Ugly Kid Joe, smart guys? That’s right—1992, if ever. Trust me, your band names are not good enough. (I would share the rejected name but my early career is still covered by a ridiculous NDA. Every August 10th, Mike Ovitz gets an anonymously-delivered box of smelly old shredded tire rubber and partially-used lip gloss tubes as a “thank you” for that.)

Our 10th edition is a major milestone that needs a solid theme to match so here we go… You may remember an album called Ten by a band called Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam was originally known as “Mookie Blaylock,” after a point guard for the Atlanta Hawks. Mookie finished his career playing for the Golden State Warriors, a team based in Oakland, California. California is home to many interesting cities. Those cities make for excellent band names:

• Chester Capistrano and the Migration Alliance (chirptune ska)
• Azusa! Azusa! Azusa! (bossa nova performed by Jack Benny impersonators)
• Sand City Is Sinking (tremor-core)

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